Strength Begins With Number 1: Life Lessons From A Solo Mom

“I'm not telling you it's going to be easy - I'm telling you it's going to be worth it.” -Art Williams

Parenting is not easy. It requires a kind of strength, discipline, faith, and dedication that isn't easily understood until the little life is out of the womb and in the parents' arms. The job of parenting is so colossal that it's meant to be carried out by a pair. For a variety of reasons and through a variety of circumstances, that doesn't always happen. Many children are being loved and raised by solo moms and dads. Takisha "Chef TJ" Wise is one such mom. 

I'll never understand why someone could help make this beautiful, beautiful child but not want to work hard to be in her life or do anything for her. I stopped feeling sorry for people a long time ago because everyone makes their own decisions. I can only be thankful he helped me make this wonderful spirit but that's all. I get to experience & live this journey alone with my daughter and give her best life I possibly can. 

   

I've always respected myself enough to know when to move on with my life. Always been the one working hard & taking care of others. Always sharing my blessings with others. Now my main mission is to bless my daughter. I'm not the mother that's going to ask the other party to participate in being a parent for their child because it should just be a gift & privilege, not just a responsibility, to care for this beautiful child; for any child actually. 

10 Single Mom Secrets

I enjoy being a single parent, a single woman, and a single mother. Not that I enjoy the stereotype, because I hate it, but life happens for a reason. Someone asked me (sarcastically) "where's her Daddy at?" And the only true statement is "He's exactly 

where he wants to be." Not here. If a parent wants to be a part of their child's life, they would, with no excuses. I thank him for saying stupidly out of his mouth, that we are the "DEADBEAT MOTHERS FOR KEEPING HIS CHILDREN OUT OF HIS LIFE" , but HE chose to leave... Though if we didn't have the means to take care of our kids as mothers, they would be in the state childcare system cause he can't even take care of himself. So why not be thankful & appreciative that us WOMEN got our shit together despite your lack thereof? It just truthfully lets me know the mentality & maturity level it takes to be an adult & loyal parent.

I could and should still be home bonding with my child, and although I have my wonderful times with her, I have already been back to work after my pregnancy when she was 2 months. I worked a full-time hard labor factory job through my entire pregnancy, paying every bill in the house, providing him shelter, groceries, cooked & even putting gas in his car when needed. I did baking & vending events HUSTLING, for my "family unit", all while 8-9 months pregnant. I paid for majority of the baby shower, everything for her nursery, every hospital bill under my insurance coverage & taxes. And he still doesn't want a real job cause he doesn't want to "work for the man".  I couldn't even get a cooked meal after a long day of work or a back rub throughout my pregnancy. All the things that didn't work in our personal "love" relationship he blames on everyone but himself. Blame game all the time. Hello Kayne!! 

Yea I let him walk out the 1st time but I admitted MY wrongs & let him come back, then he moves out again when our daughter was 5 days old., NO I wasn't chasing him the 2nd time & even told him, "if you step, you're not coming back in MY house acting like its a hotel". I'm smarter than that & for many reasons, I know what I deserve and what Pandora deserves; and he wasn't willing to give any part of it.  It's sad and disgusting to see how unmotivated someone can be when there are two beautiful little girls' lives involved. A male chooses to not give an physical address when I'm just trying to get support for the child that you helped create. It's all cool in my book that he's never been consistent and always irresponsible.... he chose to move back to another state 10 hours away and doing nothing for his children.

I have always been the provider & there's been so many that didn't reciprocate back the same effort or energy. I have never a hard time accepting my role in life. Now there's only 2 that I have to give to, myself & my child. Around the clock, I dedicate every minute to me & to US, so I can be healthy for us. So I can see that beautiful happy little being wake up smiling every morning. We're always gonna be good with or without him. Sucks but, I'm not stopping our life progress for him. Not throwing shade and not looking for sympathy or "I hate that this happened to you this way.". I'M JUST STATING FACTS. Because if you knew me personally, you'd already know that no male is gonna stop me from doing what I want & need to do in life.

I have a constant praise story for my life, trials & struggles never made me fail or give up & honestly, single mother, single woman, single parent life is GREAT. This is the freedom I love because there was more stress trying to hold a damaged situationship together no matter how hard one tries. I wouldn't trade this for the world & I don't regret any decisions made & I don't wish I could change the past or fix anything. I'm just consistent in doing what I must. Giving love to my child & being the example she needs. As a woman, a queen, and a mother. She gives me all the extra strength I'll ever need to live this life & my heart is not skipping any unnecessary beats in our world. I'm just glad now that I didn't have a baby boy as much as I wanted a son, because I've already had enough headache trying to get her daddy to grow up. He honestly thinks his "morals" are going to provide for his children (long silent pause...). Dude! that's not going to put food on the table!!!

if I bind my spirit in being stressed over things I can't control, then that's less positive energy I could be sharing with my daughter

Hmph, I digress! I personally enjoy ever moment that motherhood has to offer my heart & my mind. Physically, it is freedom. My freedom- because I can't & won't speak for others- but when most people tried to throw warnings in the wind that being a parent is soooooo hard, I'm glad I tossed any of that anxiety out the window. No pity, not petty, just be proud that I haven't missed a beat in life & am doing what I do & haven't stopped. I am a mother, an entrepreneur, a working woman. I am always truthful, hardworking, and dedicated to everything I do. Easy. I have the best time of my days when I'm with my daughter & not only is she the most chill & relaxed baby, but she makes life easier. Yes sometimes it's tough on days when I have to find a sitter at the last minute. Having dependable people is scarce at times but, I don't stress about it. Life is what it is and if I bind my spirit in being stressed over things I can't control, then that's less positive energy I could be sharing with my daughter. Keep it moving. Can't be a Queen to a Fool. I was trying to see the King in someone who didn't see it in themselves; that was my mistake. No regrets though because it was a journey paid for, experienced, and lived. Lessons always have to be learned. I would rather be the courageous mother, doing all I can to provide for my child on my own. Single parenthood is a blessing & being a mother is about the most powerful gift & privilege I've ever been given. Our next chapter is near: Happily living.

Takisha Wise is a multi-talented woman and a breastfeeding mom. She is a native of Baltimore, MD, but has traveled & experienced living the cultures of many cities and states. She's proud artist, she is an experienced creative & abstract painter, personal chef & baker, fashion designer, illustrator, poet, & so much more. Eclectic & considered a weirdo, she enjoys giving her time to her daughter, everything dealing with astrology and the zodiac. She is a Earth-conscious, motivational creature who is continuously being a proud example of strength & empowerment for other people in the universe. Follow Chef TJ on Instagram @cheftjdubs @callmepj911

Blossom salutes all of the strong solo parents doing it well, because it must be done. 
Shout out a single mom who is doing her thing! 

Why And How To Choose A Childbirth Educator

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less. ~ Marie Curie

I love learning! Childbirth Education is something that I always knew I'd experience as an expectant mother. While pregnant, I was full of hope, joy, wonderment... fear, anxiety, and nausea. Even as a women's wellness consultant, prenatal massage therapist, yoga instructor, and birth doula, I needed professional guidance along my pregnancy journey. Birthworkers claim that there is a tremendous and noticeable difference in moms who attended a childbirth class and moms who did not. The parents who attended are more knowledgeable and less anxious. 

Even if you are certain that you want an epidural, or have a condition in which your provider will schedule a C-section, it may be worth it to take a childbirth education, just in case anything goes differently than planned or imagined. I know of a mother who was carrying twins and considered high-risk. She went into labor before her scheduled C-section. When she arrived at the hospital, her physician asked if she wanted to continue to labor naturally. She ultimately declined because she had not received any education about natural childbirth. She regrets that misstep today. Childbirth education builds confidence. 

Childbirth education classes are not just for first time parents. Experienced parents may want to consider attending a refresher course for reminders and information on updated practices, a new class with a different model of teaching, or a class at a new hospital.

Best Childbirth Education Quotes 

There are a variety of birthing techniques and approaches. They vary in length of class, teaching format, and school of thought. Deciding which class is best for you depends on your learning style, your pain tolerance, your ideal birth, your budget, and instructor access within your community. If you are planning a hospital birth, you might be interested in taking more than one class. A class at the hospital might include a basic overview of labor and birth and may teach specific hospital practices, policies, and standards. Classes taught outside the hospital may equip you with in-depth information about coping skills, physiology of labor and birth, emotional aspects, and childbirth options. My husband and I attended both. If attending both is not an option, I highly recommend at least taking the hospital tour for those taking a class in the community, and I recommend augmenting a hospital-based class with additional reading in order to explore additional options. 

Your childbirth educator is knowledgeable, experienced, and passionate. She is often a registered nurse, but mat also be any healthcare provider, doula, or educator who is passionate about empowering expectant mothers throughout the birth process and beyond. You will leave the class with tools, tips, techniques, warning signs, and reminders concerning labor and birth. You will have a greater sense of confidence and may possibly even begin to build your community of moms, dads, and babies. 

Doula Nikia Michelle
Birth Blessings Professional Birth and Doula Services
Community Childbirth Educator Training

The Alexander Technique can be used by anyone, at anytime. It teaches posture and movement techniques to ease muscle tension, is actually a general practice adapted for expecting women. The Alexander technique aims to restore your original poise and posture, which will improve balance, coordination, back pain, breathing and digestion as your body adjusts accordingly. You’ll also work to coordinate your breathing and strengthen your pelvic muscles in preparation for delivery. The techniques can also be used postpartum to Aid in recovery from childbirth, and Ease the discomfort of nursing. Consider taking these classes early, as more you practice, the greater the benefits.

Birthing From Within® prepares mothers to give “birth-in-awareness,” not to achieve a specific birth outcome. The class curriculum is adjusted to meet the specific needs and differences of parents. This method also recognizes that pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum period involve continuous learning; holistic support and education should be available throughout this time.

Birth Boot Camp is a 10-week course taught online. Students receive a manual, relaxation training, weekly links to additional reading on complementary topics like pregnancy nutrition, exercise, common tests and procedures in pregnancy, and a comprehensive, downloadable breastfeeding video. 

The Bradley Method® helps women prepare for a natural labor and birth without the use of medication. This comprehensive 12-week course covers: Importance of nutrition and exercise, Relaxation techniques to manage pain, Labor rehearsals, How to avoid a cesarean birth, Postpartum care, Breastfeeding, and Guidance for a coach/doula about supporting and advocating for the mother

Hypnobirthing® teaches mothers that if you remove fear and tension, severe pain does not have to be part of labor. Intense relaxation will enhance natural birthing instincts that lead to a calm and serene birth experience. Teachers emphasize pregnancy and childbirth, as well as on pre-birth parenting and the consciousness of the pre-born baby. It is presented in a series of 5 two-and-a-half-hour classes or 4 three-hour classes. The community or home-study (via manuals and meditative CDs/ mp3s) curriculum also teaches women how to experience a feeling similar to daydreaming, while remaining controlled and happy during labor and birth.

Lamaze® International uses a contemporary curriculum that supports birth as normal, natural, and healthy, and empowers expectant women and their partners to make informed decisions. The class content includes: Normal labor, birth, and early postpartum period, Positioning for labor and birth, Relaxation and massage techniques to alleviate pain, Labor support, Communication skills, Information about medical procedures, Breastfeeding, and Healthy lifestyle.

17 Intimate Photos That Show Birth Is Beautiful In All Forms

There are other childbirth education styles that offer more flexibility in terms of time commitment, presentations, and learning styles for both the teachers and their expectant students. 

Birth Arts International takes a holistic approach to offering information about Pregnancy- common issues and comfort measures, health and well being and natural progressions, Labor and Birth- comfort measures, support person techniques, Parental Communication, Informed Consent, Comfort Techniques, Sexuality and Relationships, Health & Nutrition, Alternative Health, Postpartum Period, Types of birthing environments and so much more.

The CAPPA (Childbirth and Postpartum Association) Approach allows the freedom for CAPPA professionals to incorporate their own style, meet the particular needs of their community, and teach the curriculum that best matches their skill set. CAPPA professionals are able to utilize a large variety of techniques, skills, and coping strategies that are both evidence-based and personalized to the individual, as opposed to being limited to a set, static method.

The International Childbirth Education Association (ICEA) does not emphasize any particular approach to childbirth. They offer general information about the process of labor and birth. They discuss natural childbirth, teach various methods of dealing with the pain of labor and birth, and present the options available for pain relief. 

Jimmy Kimmel Coaches Jessica Alba

Many health departments and community-based organizations offer free childbirth education classes. At Blossom Health And Maternal Wellness, we offer an eclectic, evidenced-based, and family-centered approach, especially for mothers who are on bed rest. Many of them are so fragile that they are unable to attend classes at the hospital or in the community. We bring the important information to them and their support team. 

In order to decide which class or teacher to choose, it may be helpful to ask these questions: Is the instructor certified to teach childbirth classes? What is the instructor’s philosophy about labor and birth? What topics are included in the curriculum? Will my partner learn how to play an active role in labor and birth? What is the cost? How many couples will be in the class? How often will the class meet? Will various birth philosophies be taught in the class? For example, will a woman wanting an un-medicated birth learn coping skills for pain relief? Will a woman wanting an epidural learn how to cope with a medicated labor and birth? Does this location offer different types of childbirth classes? For example, some locations offer classes on childbirth basics or natural childbirth, in addition to a refresher class and a sibling class. 

Mothers who attend a childbirth education class, report a greater sense of empowerment, inclusion, awareness, confidence, and satisfaction in their overall birth outcome. Dad's who attend report a greater sense of empathy and compassion. If you are expecting a child, or know someone who is, please consider a childbirth education class, as early as the second trimester. 

5 Reasons Women Don't Like Their Childbirth Class

What is your experience with a childbirth education class? 

The WHO and The What About The Breastfeeding Growth Curve

Cultivate your curves. They may be dangerous, but they won't be avoided. ~ Mae West

The irony of this entire journey is that when I was pregnant, every soothsayer and prophetess in Target, Macy's, or Babies 'R' Us declared that because I was SO big- I gained a whopping 28 pounds- my child would be huge, 8-10 pounds, some predicted. While my yoga students assured me that I would have a fast and easy labor, random grandmothers and even one of the assistants in my OB's office warned that I'd never make it to my due date, I'd never be able to push the baby out, and would definitely have to have a C-section. 

I remained hopeful, but as my estimated due date S-L-O-W-L-Y approached, my hyperemesis continued, my SI joint became increasingly strained, and my breathing more and more challenged, a planned C-section became a good look, despite my intense and intentional preparation with Hypnobabies. 

Hours Before My Induction

As if pregnancy was not interesting enough, I relocated at 32 weeks, moving 3 states away from my mother and the OB/Gyn who had helped us to navigate our fertility challenges. My new OB and I did not know each other very well, but he had delivered all the children of my husband's sisters and nieces, so he agreed to take me under his care, even in my third trimester. He too thought that my daughter was going to be big and was already too big to move within my small frame. We now know that is a common error among obstetricians. 

 Too Many Doctors are Telling Too Many Pregnant Women That Their Babies Are Too Big

At 39 weeks, he asked to induce me and because I felt both miserable and powerless, I consented. Over the next 5 days, I did everything to naturally induce labor. Nothing worked. Two days before my daughter's estimated arrival, I was induced; endured a long, intense, but otherwise unmedicated labor; and birthed a 7.14 lb baby girl. My labor was not short or easy, my child was not huge, I did make it to within hours of my due date, and my daughter was born vaginally. Everybody got it wrong! 

Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do. ~ Dr. Benjamin Spock 

That experience encouraged me to trust my body and to trust the bond that my daughter and I had already created over the last 40 weeks, or at least from the moment that I discovered her floating in my belly on the Mother's Day before. 

That mutual trust would be invaluable as we took on the fascinating act of breastfeeding. I needed to know that I was producing enough milk do that she could thrive and she needed to grow so that I wouldn't worry about not producing enough milk. There were those who constantly talked about how small my daughter was, how she wasn't getting enough to eat, and why I needed to put cereal in her bottle as early as two months. 

Fortunately, my pediatrician was not only supportive of breastfeeding, but also knowledgeable about the differences in the growth patterns between formula fed and breastfed babies. Before I had my daughter, but while supporting other moms, I often heard of pediatricians recommending a formula supplement to "top off" a mother's milk. Without knowing much more than the fact that breast milk exceeds nutritional infant needs, I would question my friends' OB's recommendations. They usually adhered to the recommendation, and as a result, did not make it to one full year of breastfeeding. Now that I know more about the tricky supplement/ low supply cycle, I know that that initial reaction to the idea of supplementation was accurate. I wanted to avoid that unnecessary roller coaster, at any cost. 

My own daughter was peeing, pooping, resting, eating, engaging, and growing well, but she was trending small, and suddenly, at 6 months, she just stalled. Before every appointment, I weighed my daughter, just in case I needed a weight different from theirs to combat the top off recommendation. I was totally that mom who kept track of every everything during her first year of life, with a fancy app. Before your eyes roll all the way to the back of your head, know that I absolutely followed her cues and totally nursed on demand, but I also documented the results. Perhaps it's the healthcare worker in me. Because my daughter was trending small, I always wanted to be able to show (and remember) her intake and output.  

Baby Connect Application

Of course, I was never asked. Our pediatrician never mentioned a word about supplementing- not even when our daughter dropped below the 20th percentile for weight, not even when she remained the same weight for 5 months, and not even when I told her that we were feeding her only vegetables, fruits, and grains. While I was nervous at each and every appointment, our doctor told us how breastfeed babies grow differently: first, they trend a little larger, then they taper off at a about 6 months, then they are smaller, but by two years old, all measurements are comparable. Additionally, our pediatrician did not only rely on her size or the chart, she also considered my pre-pregnancy size, and my husband's pre-it's mandatory that I lift weights in my fraternity-size. We were both twigs, at one point. Genetics and family history are often over looked when considering the size of the baby. Every kid can't be in the 90th percentile. 

My Daughter's Actual Growth Chart

It is not uncommon for a baby who started out in the middle or high end of the weight chart to slide down well below the 50th percentile by a three- or six-month doctor’s visit. It can be scary when it happens, and many moms wonder if they’re producing enough milk. This is the time when a mother's supply is stabilizing, which she may interpret as a decrease; and it's also when she may be returning to work, so she is further questioning her ability to continue to produce enough milk for her child.  All of which is problematic, since a mother's self-efficacy is the primary predictor of breastfeeding success. Undermining a mother's confidence in milk production, by recommending supplemental formula, could be detrimental to her ability to see it through.  

Most doctors (still) use the CDC Growth Chart for babies. The CDC chart is based on a high formula-fed population however. Therefore, when your breastfed baby is being compared to this chart it does look like she is falling off the charts.

What else is happening? Why would formula fed babies gain more weight? It has to do with caloric content – breast milk becomes more nutrient dense and remains compatible with the infant as the she grows over the first year, whereas formula always provides the same number of calories, so the infant is requiring more milk (containing more calories) as she grows. 

Babies also become easily distracted around the three-month mark, and more mobile around the six-month mark. Short, frequent feedings are the standard at these ages, and sometimes a baby’s weight will naturally dip or stagnate as a result. 

The good news is that, in 2006, the World Health Organization developed a new growth chart based on predominately breastfed children. This chart gives a realistic look at how a breastfed baby grows. 

Weight-for-age Percentiles for Girls Birth to 2 years

Weight-for-age Percentiles for Boys Birth to 2 years

It is suggested that pediatric care providers use the gender-specific WHO charts for breastfed babies until 2 years old. What is different about The WHO charts? 

According to the CDC: 

Why use WHO growth standards for infants and children ages 0 to 2 years of age in the U.S?

• The WHO standards establish growth of the breastfed infant as the norm for growth.
  Breastfeeding is the recommended standard for infant feeding. The WHO charts reflect growth patterns among children who were predominantly breastfed for at least 4 months and still breastfeeding at 12 months.
• The WHO standards provide a better description of physiological growth in infancy.
  Clinicians often use the CDC growth charts as standards on how young children should grow. However the CDC growth charts are references; they identify how typical children in the US did grow during a specific time period. Typical growth patterns may not be ideal growth patterns. The WHO growth charts are standards; they identify how children should grow when provided optimal conditions.
• The WHO standards are based on a high-quality study designed explicitly for creating growth charts.
  The WHO standards were constructed using longitudinal length and weight data measured at frequent intervals. For the CDC growth charts, weight data were not available between birth and 3 months of age and the sample sizes were small for sex and age groups during the first 6 months of age.

Why use CDC growth charts for children 2 years and older in the U.S.?

• The CDC growth charts can be used continuously from ages 2-19. In contrast the WHO growth charts only provide information on children up to 5 years of age.
• For children 2-5 years, the methods used to create the CDC growth charts and the WHO growth charts are similar.

Here is Kellymom’s comparison of the CDC and The WHO charts, where you can clearly see that breastfed babies do not grow like formula-fed babies.

Why these differences matter:

• If you are obsessed with all things growth and development like I was, it means you will know that your baby isn’t dropping off the charts suddenly.

• Mom's who feed on demand may be told in the first few months to feed less often because the baby is trending big (on the CDC chart).  However, if you know that a breastfed baby grows bigger than a formula-fed baby in those first few months, then you know that your baby is probably on track.

• Doctors may become alarmed about the baby's growth around that 6-9 month mark. Suddenly, it appears that your baby isn’t gaining weight like she should and you are sent home with a can of formula and instructions to start supplementing. Check in with your doctor to ensure the he is using The WHO chart.

"Perhaps their breastfed baby isn't falling off the charts, perhaps they do not need that formula."

Note: I am NOT suggesting that you should never supplement with formula! There are definitely times when it is needed. I’m just saying that you might want to compare charts before you buy that can of formula, or accept that sample. 

I am sharing this with you as I have just returned from my daughter's 3 year old check-up, and learned that my petite flower, who is a fully potty-trained, only recently weaned, rear-facing, vegetarian toddler is now at the 63rd percentile in height, and the 58th for weight. It has taken a lot of trust and a ton of reading to get to this point. I want to help families understand that there is a possibility that their "small" breastfed baby is doing just fine, but that the doctor needs to update her charts. 

I will have to write another post on how to deal with well meaning and over bearing family members who make the same recommendations. 

Even though pediatricians are recommended to use the WHO charts, it will take some time for the switch to happen in most doctor’s offices, so ask your pediatrician which charts she’s using if either of you are concerned.

Where is the New Mom Euphoria?

Being a mother is discovering strengths you didn't know you had and dealing with fears you never knew existed. - Sherene Simon

Motherhood evokes a myriad of emotions and expectations. One of the most common expectations is for the mother to experience an overwhelming sense of joy, elation, delight, and glee. The reality is, for a variety of reasons, many moms do not immediately experience these emotions. Find out how Blossom Mom Rashan Ali discovered and overcame this missing new mommy link: 

When I looked at my newborn, Bailey, for the first time, that euphoric feeling of overwhelming love did not exist.  There, I said it.  It is my truth.  I had no idea what to do with this little person whose eyes glared back at me in complete wonderment.  She stared at me like she knew I had no clue.  She probably knew because she had just come from being the closest to God that any human can ever be, until we transition later.

I was at the height of my radio career as the host of the A-Team Morning Show on HOT 107.9 in Atlanta, Georgia.  I was one of a handful of women who led a morning show.  It was literally unheard of.  We are typically the sidekicks.  After a very short maternity leave, I would have to nurse my newborn at 4:30 am every morning and hand her over to my husband as I walked away.  There was an underlying guilt that lingered.  One that I’ve just recently gotten over. That newborn just turned nine.

My morning radio career lasted long into her toddler years.  I wasn’t there to do her hair.  I wasn’t there to make her breakfast.  I wasn’t there to even clothe her.  What kind of mother was I?  I felt like a bad one.  One that let her career be number one in her world.  

Forgiving Yourself of Mommy Guilt

In 2009, we welcomed our second daughter, Carter.  Prior to her birth, I was out of work after my radio contract was not renewed.  I was home during the latter part of my pregnancy and then well into the first seven months of her life.  What a completely different experience.  For the first time in Bailey’s life, I was there in the morning.  I was there to cook her breakfast and make her lunch.  I was there to tell her to, “Do your best and be a leader.” (A statement we say each morning to our girls before they go to school.)  Our second daughter knew nothing about not having her mother there in the morning.  It was what she was used to.

There is nothing in this world as personal, as nurturing, or as life changing as the influence of a righteous woman. - M. Russell Ballard

I made up for lost time with Bailey.  I realized I missed out on cultivating that relationship.  Those moments are precious and can never be revisited once they have passed.  During my second pregnancy, she and I grew closer.  So close that I had no idea how I could love another human being like I loved her.  But God knew.  And He did, as He always does.  

A mother's love is whole no matter how many times it's divided. 

When our second daughter was born, I found the euphoria.  I learned how to love through Bailey.  She showed me what the meaning of being a mother really felt like.  But it didn’t come easily for me.  I learned how to be a mother.  I’m still working on being a “good” mother.  

I don’t want women to feel like they have to be “picture perfect” as we take on the most important job of our lives: motherhood.  Every woman’s experience is different.  Every woman’s love and journey is different and should not be judged.  Recently, I posted a question on Facebook. I asked my mother followers, “What kind of mother are you?”  I used my own example: “I’m a can’t do hair, dancing machine, God-loving but will listen to Jeezy type mom.  I’m a silly, cooking and school volunteer but don’t do crafts type mom.”

There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills, different abilities, and certainly different children.

I had over 100 responses from women describing what type of mother they are.  It was interesting to see how liberated these women seem to feel about who they are to their children.  It was almost like a sigh of relief that they can state who they are and be okay with it on a social media platform.  I pray they look in the mirror and smile back at the mother they are.  She is perfect just the way she is.

Stay at Home Moms vs Working Moms

Bailey and Carter are beautiful children inside and out.  My husband is an outstanding father.  They are both Daddy’s girls, but Bailey and Brian have a special bond.  All they had was each other in the beginning.  But God has a way of restoring things as though they were and I know that He granted me that in the mother that I have become for both of them.  I’ve grown into putting the “good” in front of mother when describing myself. My constant prayer is that I am being the mother that I need to be for my children.  Their smiles, self-awareness, happiness, kindness, loving spirits and love of God prove that I must be doing alright. That’s all the euphoria I need.

With a passion for sports and empowering young women, Rashan Ali continues to establish herself as a revered multimedia personality within the sports and entertainment industries. An Atlanta native and graduate of Florida A&M University, she has given her candid perspective on local radio for 12 years on HOT 107.9, V-103 and 94.5.  Recently, Rashan has made her full transition into television as a freelance sports anchor for Headline News and CNN; sideline reporter for CBS Sports Network, host of Under Armour Highlights of the Week on the NFHS Network and co-host of Falcons Rise Up Weekly on the CW Network.

Her passion lies deeply in the community.  She is the founder of  Sporty Girls, Inc., -a  non-profit organization which encourages the development of life skills in girls ages 8-18 through participation in non-traditional sports like golf, tennis, soccer and swimming. Ali has recently published and released her first children’s book, “Piper Sky’s Pink Popsicle Shoes.” Rashan is a proud member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc.

She is married to Brian Smith and they have two daughters, Bailey and Carter. Check out RashanAli.com and Follow Rashan Ali on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! 

Can you relate to Rashan Ali's story? Did you have less than euphoric feelings about being a new mom? 

Do you want to share your pregnancy or new mom story? Share with us now!