"The righteous man walks in his integrity; his children are blessed after him."
- Proverbs 20:7 (NKJV)
Have you ever watched somebody do something, and thought, "Now THAT'S how you do that!" That's what I think every time I witness this man love on his wife and children. As you will read, it has not always been easy, but he would not have his life, marriage, or journey through fatherhood any other way. Enjoy this installment of our Fatherhood Series with Taye Walton, The Inner Fitness Coach.
Tell us about your wife and children.
My wife is Keri Walton and we have been married for a year and a half. I have two daughters from a previous marriage, Briana is my oldest. She is 8 years old, and my youngest is London who is 7 years old. Keri had a daughter from a previous relationship, who passed away before we met. She is also very much a part of our story.
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| My wife Keri, and our beautiful daughters London, Nia, and Briana. |
When and how did you make the decision to be a hands-on father?
It was never really a decision made. I would say it was more of a guided-by-instinct ordeal. I think most men who grew up like I did, that’s without much father involvement, tend to go one of two ways. That’s either they repeat the same pattern of being an absent father, or overcompensate for the love the lacked growing up. I see myself as the latter of the two.
Do you have the same parenting style as your own father?
Not even close. I think my parenting style is a composite of all the great men that have poured into me outside of my father while growing up.
During your separation and divorce, how did you handle being a single father?
I felt like I focused even more during my single fatherhood days. Being the last of the three boys growing up, I always kind of felt like a loner. I was pretty independent. I had to unlearn some of those ways when I got married. During the final years of my previous marriage, I grew up a lot. I felt like I became an even better man. That carried over into single fatherhood. I had no problems giving my all to my daughters and being their whole parent. Cooking and cleaning was never a foreign thing to me. I was always very involved in their schooling and extracurricular activities. So it was during that time as a single father, that I felt like I honed in even more on those characteristics. I even did my daughters' hair sometimes.
How did you manage dating as a single father, with young daughters?
I was very, very picky. Part of it was being a parent. The other part was maturity and knowing what I wanted, and also not feeling lonely. I had two young ladies who thought a lot of me, and they kept me grounded and entertained. So when I did decided to meet someone, if I could feel like God said that was the one, I didn’t waste any time letting the relationship go. I took some time after my divorce to make sure I was ready before hand. I even did counseling to make sure I wasn’t carrying any unseen baggage into the new situation. During that time, I only dated 3 women before I met my wife. Only one of those met my daughters. That one was a great a person, but she was not the one for me, so I let that one go. I knew after the 1st month of dating my wife that she was the one. The feeling was mutual and we decided rather than just dating, we entered into an official courtship that was blessed by our then Pastor of our church and mentored by husband and wife ministers of that church. We grew into not only best friends, but lovers.
What qualities did you look for in a wife, who was going to co-parent your daughters?
Mainly a sound foundation in faith, and heart of compassion. I knew the amount of love I had for my daughters and if someone was not capable of seeing me as a package deal, then it was no deal. My wife had an extraordinary big heart. She help me grow in some areas. She often prayed for others, stopped and gave money to those on the side of the road, and babysat for those with special need kids for free so they could have a break from a often very demanding life. That stuff blew me away, as well as her love for God. She laughs when I call her Mary Poppins, but it really does seem like she lights up a room everywhere she goes. I have never been so proud to be in the presence of someone. My daughters are just as intoxicated by her warmth and elegance as I am.
How do you and your wife make the most out of your joint custody agreement with your daughters' mother?
It’s been a rough road. I have paid for many counseling sessions to get us all on the same page. I used to be ashamed of my ex because she had become very confrontational and I didn’t want my current wife to feel like she gotten herself into a terrible situation. I used to try and shield her from the drama and deal with it all myself. But man, it’s amazing how you can go into a situation thinking you’re gonna be the hero, when in fact, you’re the one that needs saving. Being that my wife has been a social worker for 9+ years, she has experience in dealing with people in difficult situations. She is great at handle my ex even when she is at her most difficult. Even in her frustration, she often kills her with kindness. The situation still has it twists and turns, but being that we have shared custody and have the girls every other week for a week, our stable lifestyle has a profound effect on the girls. We have seen so much growth in them despite the very different households they go back and forth from. We just focus on their well-being and when their mom throws a tantrum, we just kill her with kindness and give it to God.
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| My girls and their three parents. I am glad that they have this memory, so they will always know that we tried. |
What is the best part of being a father?
I can’t speak for others, but the feeling of love you get. The look of security and admiration I get from my wife and daughters makes me feel like the luckiest man on earth. Nothing quite compares to it. There is nothing like hearing your daughters talk to other kids about how much they love their Dad and how cool he is. Makes me poke my chest out.
What is your least favorite part of being a father?
Sigh, not having full custody of them. I often feel like they don’t have the best life they could have because of my mistakes. But I do realize, they would not be here if it wasn’t for my mistakes as well so I take it in stride. But, my ex can make co-parenting very difficult sometimes, and that’s my least favorite part of it all.
What is the most unexpected part of being a father?
Sometimes we get no credit. There have been times I have put together outfits for my daughters and did their hair, and when someone sees them, they immediately assume my wife did it. LOL, I don’t mind it so much, but Dad’s often are less glorified than moms. Mother’s day is all over the tv and social networks when it comes around. Father’s Day, not so much.
What frightens you about being a father?
Not being there to protect my wife and kids when they need me.
What excites you about being a father?
Watching my kids grow up to be productive Christians in this society.
What do you want your daughters to learn about boys and men from you, as a father?
To look deep. To look at a person’s character, intentions, and heart rather than what’s on the surface. Our culture often promotes the opposite. Hopefully them seeing me walking the walk as well as talking the talk, they will require more from anyone who interested in them.
Tell us about the ministry that you and your wife lead at your church.
We are Pre-Marriage Facilitators. We help couples who are interested in building a Godly marriage in the future discover God’s blueprint for marriage, and how to take that from concept to reality. Our courtship was not the normal courtship we feel like God elevated us in that arena so we could be doing what we are doing now for others. We scored off the charts often during our premarital courses. We try to give others some of those same tools before they move forward.
Where do you go to find fatherhood role models and advice?
Football coaches, Ministers, and family. God always provided good men in my life for me to use as guides.
What advice do you have for fathers who are single, divorced, or struggling within their marriages?
Become a spiritual leader of your home. Regardless if you’re single, divorced, or married, learn how to follow so you can learn how to lead.
Favorite fatherhood quote: Joshua 24:15 - But if you are unwilling to obey the Lord, then decide today whom you will obey. Will it be the gods of your ancestors beyond the Euphrates or the gods of the Amorites here in this land? But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.” (TLB)
Anything else you'd like to add?
There are a lot of good Fathers out there in the struggle. We need more avenues to encourage each other. We have to keep making it cool to be a good Dad. My hope is for one day, we can all walk in the light that we were created to.
Octavais "Taye" Walton is a 36 year old native of Birmingham, AL. He is a proud alum of Auburn University, where he pledged Omega Psi Phi Fraternity, and majored in environmental engineering. He currently works as a Senior Civil Engineer, and resides in Kennesaw, GA, with his beautiful wife Keri, and his two daughters. He owns Inner Fitness Coaching and can be found at @your_inner_fitness_coach on Instagram.
