A Heart For Success: Learning From My Child With Developmental Delays

With a child's heart
Go face the worries of the day
With a child's heart
Turn each problem into play
No need to worry no need to fear
Just being alive makes it all so very clear... With A Child's Heart, Stevie Wonder

Sometimes, it takes a child to demonstrate what real strength, courage, determination, and success look like. Please enjoy this perspective from Ashley Martin about her son Rex, who was born with multiple heart defects and other developmental delays:

“How old were you when you took your first steps?,” he asked me.

Pausing, I said, “I don't know.”

“Exactly,” he said, “The fact is that you learned to walk. No one cares how old you were.”

As the mother of a child with developmental delays, this conversation with my pastor has popped in my head through every bump in the road and with every achieved milestone. Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” and it has been stealing the joy of parents for years. We fight it, but eventually, it finds each one of us. It can show up in the child at library story hour who is half your child's age, double his size, and running circles around him. Hypothetically speaking, of course.

Crossing The Finish Line In The Kerrington's Heart 5K Fundraiser
2014

My first child hit every milestone on time and sometimes early. People were always commenting on how advanced her speech was for her age and how smart she was... and is. My son hit none of his milestones and took months to master things my daughter just did naturally. With many hours, weeks, and months of hard work, children who have delays will eventually achieve the same goals their peers likely achieved much sooner, but the celebration is much sweeter. If you are the parent of a child who some might describe as “behind,” hang in there. Keep working with her and know she isn't “behind” anyone because she isn't competing with anyone, but herself. Children arrive in their own time and they can't be rushed.

 

 Children's Books about Inclusion

Benchmarks definitely have their place, but when they become the measuring stick for a child's (or parent's) “success,” they lose their value. Success is defined as: the correct or desired result of an attempt. Do you notice something missing from that definition? “...by a certain time or age.” WE put these specific parameters on our children and redefine “success.” I can list the many successes, the added pressure from well-meaning grandparents, other parents, and especially from ourselves is unnecessary and, in many ways, can be unhealthy. 

I should probably clarify that. As a parent, you should be aware of a typical development timeline so you know when your child may need therapies to help them get on track. Just as it isn't good to be overly comparative, it is equally bad to be in denial of possible challenges. 

I am so grateful for the doctors and therapists who gently clued me in to my son's need for therapy. I confess that I was so overwhelmed with all he already had going on that I was oblivious. He had his first heart surgery at 13 days old and just seemed to have uphill battles from the beginning. At four months old, he was diagnosed with hip dysplasia and began aggressive treatment that involved a harness and later a brace that was to be worn for an unknown period of time (ended up being 15 months). So, when he wasn't rolling over by 6 months old, I blamed the brace. I told myself, “Of course he can't roll over; his hips are restricted 12—24 hours a day!” It turned out that he also has low muscle tone which meant rolling was going to be a challenge, with or without a hip brace. So, he began weekly physical therapy sessions. His physical therapist noticed that he only used his right hand...so, he began occupational therapy. Some months later, that same physical therapist (who became like family) mentioned my son's speech and how he might benefit from therapy in that area. 

Rex Sleeping In His Hip Brace

For 2+ years, he received a combined total of 10 hours of therapies a month. My life revolved around his therapy schedule and there were times when I just didn't think I could do it any more. Now, as I see my son run, climb, turn door knobs, and speak in full sentences, it was all worth it. He attends preschool 4 half-days a week where he receives weekly therapies in all areas and he still gets speech at home. He loves school and everyone there loves him! He can tell you all of his teachers' names, and is quick to tell you who is best friend is, too. He even went "peepee" in the potty for the first time EVER at school. Oh, and the way his big sister has grown into a “mini therapist” has been amazing to watch. She used to put his favorite toy on top of our ottoman to “make him work for it.” Next to me, she is his biggest advocate and cheerleader and he, of course, thinks she hung the moon.

Working on Rolling Over

I wish I could tell the mom of that non-walking 2-year old to enjoy him no matter what stage of development he is in. Don't dwell on the delays or setbacks, but focus on the successes. Now, that we are potty training, I told a friend, “He peed in the potty 7 times Saturday!” I am choosing not to keep track of all of the accidents because focusing on the negative never helped anyone and certainly never ended in SUCCESS.

Running Across The Same 5k Finish Line, One Year Later

2015

Team Rex

Ashley Martin has been a full-time stay-at-home mom and part-time blogger since 2007. She is active in her community and in her church where she hosts Bible study in her home and helps lead worship. She proudly calls herself a Heart Mom and is an advocate for families who have a child born with a Congenital Heart Defect (CHD). Ashley resides in Nicholasville, Kentucky, with her husband and two children.

Do you have a pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, or motherhood story that you would like to share with other Blossom Moms? Please contact us! 

Congenital Heart Defect Week: The Heart of a Warrior!

Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Week, held February 7–14, is an annual observance to promote awareness and education about congenital heart defects (CHDs). They affect nearly 1 in 100 births every year in the United States and are the most common (and least funded) type of birth defect. 

Some heart defects can be diagnosed prenatally using ultrasound, some might be identified during newborn screening using pulse oximetry, and others might be discovered by clinical exam or when the person becomes symptomatic. An estimated 2 million children and adults in the United States are living with a CHD today. 

 

Be inspired by the amazing Heart Mom Ashley Hunt Martin, her determined Warrior Rex, and their family's CHD Week 2016. 

February 7th, How I found out: In early April, 2012, at 36+ weeks, I had stopped gaining weight and my belly had stopped growing. An ultrasound revealed my amniotic fluid was low, but, no matter how much I flipped & flopped on the table, they could not get a good, full picture of Rex's heart. After a week of bedrest (to hopefully increase my amniotic fluid), I went in for another ultrasound that showed there was a problem with Rex's heart. We were sent across town to a pediatric cardiologist who was able to tell us more about his heart, but admitted that we wouldn't have a complete picture until Rex was born. I was admitted that night and Rex was induced and delivered 2.5 weeks early the next morning, April 11th.

Ashley, Lyla, and Rex on the way!

 

February 8th, First Photo: I had a normal delivery. The NICU nurses were present just in case, but Rex was not rushed away. At this point, we still only knew what the pediatric cardiologist had told us the day before--the defect she had seen was minor and should correct itself at birth. A couple of hours later, Rex would have his first echo showing just how many defects his little heart had. Not counting the one that DID correct itself at birth, he had 3. He was sent to the NICU for monitoring, but Dr. Cottrill didn't think immediate surgery would be necessary. It wasn't until the blood pressure in Rex's legs plummeted on his 8th day that he was transferred to UK and his first surgery was scheduled.

Ashley and Rex

Kerrington's Heart Inc. is a 501(c)(3) organization dedicated to the education, support, and encouragement of children with heart disease, their families and caregivers.

 

February 9, Emotions/Fears: Rex's surgery was April 24, 2012, but our scariest, most emotional day came two days later. There is risk of brain damage, kidney function loss, paralysis, etc the longer the aorta is clamped. Those risks increase and the "safe window" of how long the aorta should remain clamped decreases with each clamping. Rex's aorta had to be clamped THREE times during his surgery. I blogged about that day here:
 

February 10th, Hospital Stay: Rex spent his first week of life at St. Joseph East before being transferred to UK's NICU. He was moved to the P(Pediatric)ICU after a couple of days, though, because he needed a central line and was being prepped for surgery. We had a private room and some amazing nurses! In fact, I have nothing bad to say about ANY of our nurses. They were such blessings! The bottom left picture represents a huge triumph--it was the first time I was able to nurse Rex. My sister-in-law and our favorite nurse, Korinne, fought for me when I was too emotional and stressed to fight for myself. His surgery was successful and he was healing nicely, but Rex struggled to gain weight (something he would battle the first year of his life) which kept us in the hospital much longer than we expected. Lyla practically lived with Seth's sister and family during that time with other family members and friends helping to get her to and from ballet and even chaperoning a field trip. It truly does take a village! Seth and I lived with our friends, Shane and Suzanne so we could be closer to the hospital and I had breast milk in freezers all over town. Finally, as we were on our way to church one Sunday, our nurse called to tell us that Rex was going home that day! We were shocked because we had been told that patients are rarely released on a Sunday. Those were the longest 3.5 weeks of our lives, but now, they are just a tiny blip on the radar.

 Please Donate to

Team Rex

February 11th, New Normal: When Rex sees the cardiologist every 6 months, he could have any combination of tests done. They always check his blood pressure which (these days) definitely doesn't go as smoothly as it did in the picture on the left. *A little sidenote: The artery leading to Rex's arm was severed and used to widen his aorta so he will never have a blood pressure reading in his left arm.* He sometimes has an echo (ultrasound of his heart, pictured on the right) and other times he has a chest x-ray. They "attempt" an EKG every time, but it's a toss-up as to whether or not he will cooperate and an EKG of a screaming child doesn't really give a very accurate picture. I am thankful that our day-to-day lives really aren't all that different from non-CHD families. Rex is only on one heart medication which feels like nothing compared to what others are going through.

Watch this video of  Rex's Miracle

February 12th, Honor Your Warrior: Rex has no idea what an inspiration he is or the impact his little life has already had on so many. This is one of my favorite pictures of him. (Taken about a year ago by my friend, Michelle Graham Shiflet.) It captures him perfectly. He has his "terrible threes" moments, but, in general, this is the face you see when you see Rex. He loves Daniel Tiger, all things music, DRUMS, to laugh, to scare people, and to help. He is wearing his Beads of Courage around this neck. Each bead represents a clinic appointment, test, or procedure he has endured. As you can see, this one is full--he has started his second one already. I am so proud this CHD Warrior calls me "Mom." He is truly a living testimony.

Wearing RED for REX! *Lyla will tell you she is wearing it for Valentine's Day. ;-)

February 13th, The Scar: This was the first bath I was able to give Rex. Rex's scar isn't where you would expect a CHD kiddo to have one. The defect that was repaired was on his aorta which is on the outside of his heart so they were able to do a thoracic surgery. They went in under his arm, between his ribs, and moved his lung to get to the aorta. Imagine that on a little 5 lb. baby with a heart the size of a strawberry. God is good.

February 14th, CHD Fact: This year approximately 4,000 babies will not live to see their first birthday because of Congenital Heart Defects.

Rex's new book, "Jeremiah, the CHD Aware Bear, and Friends" arrived! "He [Jeremiah] was a Warrior, a mighty fighter indeed." Purchase your copy Today! 

To connect with the Congenital Heart Defect Community, join the conversation on Facebook. 

 

Do you have an amazing pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, or motherhood story?

Share it with other Blossom Moms!

Breastfeeding and Weaning My Last: Reflections From an IBCLC

Friend do it this way - that is,

whatever you do in life

do the very best you can

with both your heart and mind.

And if you do it that way,

the Power Of The Universe

will come to your assistance,

if your heart and mind are in Unity.

When one sits in the Hoop Of The People,

one must be responsible because

All of Creation is related.

And the hurt of one is the hurt of all.

And the honor of one is the honor of all.

And whatever we do effects everything in the universe.

If you do it that way - that is,

if you truly join your heart and mind

as One - whatever you ask for,

that's the Way It's Going To Be.

~passed down from White Buffalo Calf Woman

When you spend your days AND nights empowering moms across the country to breastfeed, while breastfeeding your own children, the want and need to stop can present a mixed bag of emotions. There is so much energy required to encourage moms to initiate and continue nursing, that moms who have nursed beyond the national and even world averages may be somewhat reluctant to lament about their desire to wean. Just as I was privately struggling with my decision to wean, my colleague Camie Jae Goldhammer, was courageously and publicly declaring the very end of her own breastfeeding journey. How did it go? Read it here for yourself: 

Jo and I are having some serious talks about weaning the last few weeks. Tomorrow morning may be her last nursing session. Emphasis on may. I've offered her $100 to stop. She wasn't interested until D told her that was enough to buy the giant box of all the princess Barbies at Target. Now she's in it to win it. Fingers crossed!

JoJo and Mama's Weaning Journey Day 1: JoJo woke up this morning and jumped right into playing with D without even asking to nurse. Tonight at bedtime she was totally fine with cuddling to sleep and "holding nukie" and just kicked me out of her bed saying she'd like to read herself to sleep "like D". She also knows that we can turn her bed into a bunkbed as soon as I no longer need to get into with her. I think she may be thinking along these lines. So, JoJo gets $5 for today toward her weaning present! I'm a little sad she didn't want to nurse this morning. I was ready to have our "Last Session" and maybe even take a picture. But alas, it was not meant to be. When D weaned it took me a month to realize she hadn't nursed. I don't remember when her last session was and at the time I didn't know it was her last either. So it looks like last night might have been Jo's last session... if all goes well the next few weeks.

Toddler Weaning: What's Your Pleasure 

Day 2 of JoJo and Mama's Weaning Journey: Last night JoJo realized she hadn't had her "last nukie" and asked if it could be this morning. I told her "We'll see." So, this morning I'm in bed and hear the girls coming downstairs and kind of jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom knowing that if I stayed in bed- one thing would have lead to another and I would have nursed Jo. Anyway, the girls waited for me on the stairs and we went about our morning. Cuddling on the couch, reading books, breakfast, etc. It was perfect. Tonight the Mr. and I saw Patti Smith (Amazing!) so I missed bedtime. So day 2 is complete and we didn't nurse! Also, when I picked D up from school I ran into the director of Jo's preschool and she told me that all the teachers were talking about how smart JoJo is and that it must be because she's still breastfed.

Camie Jae, Jo, and D

Day 3 of JoJo and Mama's Weaning Journey: Another easy peasy day. Jo still likes to hold her nukie but has not even mentioned nursing. I am even more confident in my decision seeing how much of a non issue this is for JoJo. We're only 3 days in and she may change her mind tomorrow but I will say I am pretty impressed with my sweet girl. 

I miss all these things and always will.

Day 4 of JoJo and Mama's Weaning Journey: You guys this is too easy. JoJo has not even batted an eye at not nursing. She really doesn't seem to care at all. What is so cool is that it seems to have unleashed this super big kid in her. She no longer needs or wants to be cuddled to sleep, she want to read herself to sleep at night, she wants to stop wearing pull-ups to bed, etc. It is really cool to see and just reinforces how right this is for us. 

Breastfeeding USA: Weaning- Every Mother's Journey

I've had lots of people ask how I am doing. I am doing just fine. I am excited to experience this new phase of mothering with JoJo. I'm not sad. I am proud of the little humans my body grew and continued to grow for 4 years and 4.25 years respectively. I am in awe of the protection my milk gave my babies for so many years (Not a single ear, respiratory or GI infection, ever!). I will look back on the last 6.75 years I have spend nourishing my kids with great fondness. Breastfeeding has changed my life. It has brought amazing people into my life, it has become my work, it has given me the ability to travel all over the country. I have planned conferences and created organizations. I have helped hundreds of families breastfeed. I've connected to ancestors I didn't know were there. I have loved it all and as this part of my life comes to a close forever I have nothing but gratitude. And I am so so so thankful that the day I had Dylan, laying in the OR post cesarean I decided I would give breastfeeding a "try". I had no expectations. No goals. Just a willingness to try and look where it has taken me.

Camie Jae and Baby D

Day 5 of JoJo and Mama's Weaning Journey: So this morning JoJo woke up pretty sad. I got in bed with her and she asked to nurse. She was kind of crying. She kept saying the only thing that will make her feel better was nukie. She even declared "I am too little to stop having nukie!". I continued to comfort her but told her my nukie was empty and all the milk was gone. She was sad  and crying for a good 3-5 minutes but I could tell it wasn't a deep sadness. After a few minutes Dylan jumped in a reminded JoJo about her special weaning gift and suggested we lay in bed a read. JoJo wiped her tears and agreed. So we survived our first mini breakdown without nursing. It's interesting needing to find other ways to comfort JoJo. For so long nursing has been my go to. You fell? Nurse. Your sister hit you? Here's a boob. You missed me? Have some nukie. 

Aside from going to bed pretty late Jo has settled into reading and playing to sleep. She doesn't want to lay with her at all. Her and D just do their thing and then D tells Jo it's late and time to go to sleep and she goes to sleep. Just like that. Tonight I went and checked on them and they were cuddled up in Jo's bed fast asleep. So sweet. I love their relationship and I love the way Dylan is supporting both JoJo and I during this transition. She's been a huge help.

 7 Things I Will Miss About Breastfeeding My Son

Days 6 and 7 of JoJo and Mama's Weaning Journey: Man, putting a kid to sleep without the boob kind of sucks. I really have prided myself on being the world's laziest parent (this is why I breastfed and bedshared for so long :) ). But seriously, the last 2 nights Jo has had a really hard time going to sleep. She has cried, wanted to play, needed water, another book, a banana, another banana, blah, blah, blah. Last night she fell asleep around 10:30 (got in bed at 8:30). Had I nursed her she would have been out in about 5 minutes. But I didn't nurse her. I won (or did I lose since I layed in a twin bed all night?)! Anywho... Really, though, JoJo needs to know that she doesn't "need nukie" to go to sleep just as much as I do. Her first 5 nights were super easy and I figured it was too good to be true. But we are persevering. I have officially gone one whole week without nursing a kid and JoJo is half way to her Disney Princess delux pack. Yeah us!

 I Miss Breastfeeding. Did I Just Say That?

Day 8 of JoJo and Mama's Weaning Journey: Well we made it another day but tonight was another rough one. Seriously, nursing kids to sleep is soooooooo much easier than this. I taught tonight and expected the girls to be asleep when I got home at 9:30 but they were both wide awake. JoJo just did not want to go to sleep and told me "These are three choices you have for me to go to sleep. You read me a book, you let me play myself to sleep or you give me nukie." What a stinker. She was also adamant that I was the reason that she was sad. After about 30 minutes of her crying and yelling and trying to negotiate she stood up in bed and said "Here comes the snugglefest!" and belly flopped on top of me and was asleep within 5 minutes. I've never been one to stress about bedtimes but these kids just can't be going to sleep at 10:00 on a school night. Hoping as we settle into things it gets easier. But another day has passed and it is really nice not nursing.

What I Will Miss About Nursing 

Days 9 and 10 of JoJo and Mama's Weaning Journey: The last few nights have gone a little better. We've nailed mornings. Jo doesn't even ask to nurse. She doesn't ask to nurse at night either. She has just been having a hard time settling down at night. Last night Eric turned her bed into a loft/bunk bed and she was pretty happy about that... knowing that once it is flipped over that means I will no longer lay down with her. Tonight Eric sang to the girls and they fell asleep by 8:45 or so! Much better than the 10:30 the last several nights. I had to express a little milk today as I was finally feeling a little full and even felt like I was getting plugged duct. But not much to report otherwise. We are moving along and I am still loving it!

Day 14 of JoJo and Mama's Weaning Journey: We are officially done! 6 years, 8 months and 17 days straight of breastfeeding (47 months for D and 52 months for Jo with them overlapping 16 months) and I am done forever. JoJo has rocked the last two weeks and today we celebrated an end of an era with hot chocolate, sprinkle donuts and princess Barbies.

Did you have a special celebration when your child weaned?

A Note From Blossom:

Weaning from breastfeeding begins when 2nd foods are introduced to an infant. It is complete when the child is no longer using the breast for nutrition or comfort. The process to complete weaning may be a long one, and is recommended after one year, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics; after two years, according to the World Health Organization; or whenever the mother and child mutually agree to end this phase of their relationship. Weaning is a personal decision that should not be influenced by pressure from other people or obligations. The decision to wean is complex, and just as the body made adjustments to prepare to nourish a child, there are physiological, hormonal, emotional changes that occur during weaning. Talk to your care provider, a lactation professional, or a mental health professional, if you or someone else notices that your mood has shifted throughout the weaning process or beyond.  

Camie Jae Goldhammer lives with her husband, Eric, and 2 daughters in Seattle, Washington, where she is a social worker and an outspoken breastfeeding advocate, especially for the Native American Community. She is a breastfeeding educator and an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant). She is a public speaker and founding member of three important organizations: Native American Breastfeeding Coalition of Washington, Collaborative for Breastfeeding Action and Justice, and National Association of Professional and Peer Lactation Supporters of Color (NAPPLSC). Her work focuses on the effects of historical and complex traumas on American Indian/Alaska Native families, inequity in breastfeeding support, breastfeeding justice, and food/tribal sovereignty through breastfeeding.

Strength Begins With Number 1: Life Lessons From A Solo Mom

“I'm not telling you it's going to be easy - I'm telling you it's going to be worth it.” -Art Williams

Parenting is not easy. It requires a kind of strength, discipline, faith, and dedication that isn't easily understood until the little life is out of the womb and in the parents' arms. The job of parenting is so colossal that it's meant to be carried out by a pair. For a variety of reasons and through a variety of circumstances, that doesn't always happen. Many children are being loved and raised by solo moms and dads. Takisha "Chef TJ" Wise is one such mom. 

I'll never understand why someone could help make this beautiful, beautiful child but not want to work hard to be in her life or do anything for her. I stopped feeling sorry for people a long time ago because everyone makes their own decisions. I can only be thankful he helped me make this wonderful spirit but that's all. I get to experience & live this journey alone with my daughter and give her best life I possibly can. 

   

I've always respected myself enough to know when to move on with my life. Always been the one working hard & taking care of others. Always sharing my blessings with others. Now my main mission is to bless my daughter. I'm not the mother that's going to ask the other party to participate in being a parent for their child because it should just be a gift & privilege, not just a responsibility, to care for this beautiful child; for any child actually. 

10 Single Mom Secrets

I enjoy being a single parent, a single woman, and a single mother. Not that I enjoy the stereotype, because I hate it, but life happens for a reason. Someone asked me (sarcastically) "where's her Daddy at?" And the only true statement is "He's exactly 

where he wants to be." Not here. If a parent wants to be a part of their child's life, they would, with no excuses. I thank him for saying stupidly out of his mouth, that we are the "DEADBEAT MOTHERS FOR KEEPING HIS CHILDREN OUT OF HIS LIFE" , but HE chose to leave... Though if we didn't have the means to take care of our kids as mothers, they would be in the state childcare system cause he can't even take care of himself. So why not be thankful & appreciative that us WOMEN got our shit together despite your lack thereof? It just truthfully lets me know the mentality & maturity level it takes to be an adult & loyal parent.

I could and should still be home bonding with my child, and although I have my wonderful times with her, I have already been back to work after my pregnancy when she was 2 months. I worked a full-time hard labor factory job through my entire pregnancy, paying every bill in the house, providing him shelter, groceries, cooked & even putting gas in his car when needed. I did baking & vending events HUSTLING, for my "family unit", all while 8-9 months pregnant. I paid for majority of the baby shower, everything for her nursery, every hospital bill under my insurance coverage & taxes. And he still doesn't want a real job cause he doesn't want to "work for the man".  I couldn't even get a cooked meal after a long day of work or a back rub throughout my pregnancy. All the things that didn't work in our personal "love" relationship he blames on everyone but himself. Blame game all the time. Hello Kayne!! 

Yea I let him walk out the 1st time but I admitted MY wrongs & let him come back, then he moves out again when our daughter was 5 days old., NO I wasn't chasing him the 2nd time & even told him, "if you step, you're not coming back in MY house acting like its a hotel". I'm smarter than that & for many reasons, I know what I deserve and what Pandora deserves; and he wasn't willing to give any part of it.  It's sad and disgusting to see how unmotivated someone can be when there are two beautiful little girls' lives involved. A male chooses to not give an physical address when I'm just trying to get support for the child that you helped create. It's all cool in my book that he's never been consistent and always irresponsible.... he chose to move back to another state 10 hours away and doing nothing for his children.

I have always been the provider & there's been so many that didn't reciprocate back the same effort or energy. I have never a hard time accepting my role in life. Now there's only 2 that I have to give to, myself & my child. Around the clock, I dedicate every minute to me & to US, so I can be healthy for us. So I can see that beautiful happy little being wake up smiling every morning. We're always gonna be good with or without him. Sucks but, I'm not stopping our life progress for him. Not throwing shade and not looking for sympathy or "I hate that this happened to you this way.". I'M JUST STATING FACTS. Because if you knew me personally, you'd already know that no male is gonna stop me from doing what I want & need to do in life.

I have a constant praise story for my life, trials & struggles never made me fail or give up & honestly, single mother, single woman, single parent life is GREAT. This is the freedom I love because there was more stress trying to hold a damaged situationship together no matter how hard one tries. I wouldn't trade this for the world & I don't regret any decisions made & I don't wish I could change the past or fix anything. I'm just consistent in doing what I must. Giving love to my child & being the example she needs. As a woman, a queen, and a mother. She gives me all the extra strength I'll ever need to live this life & my heart is not skipping any unnecessary beats in our world. I'm just glad now that I didn't have a baby boy as much as I wanted a son, because I've already had enough headache trying to get her daddy to grow up. He honestly thinks his "morals" are going to provide for his children (long silent pause...). Dude! that's not going to put food on the table!!!

if I bind my spirit in being stressed over things I can't control, then that's less positive energy I could be sharing with my daughter

Hmph, I digress! I personally enjoy ever moment that motherhood has to offer my heart & my mind. Physically, it is freedom. My freedom- because I can't & won't speak for others- but when most people tried to throw warnings in the wind that being a parent is soooooo hard, I'm glad I tossed any of that anxiety out the window. No pity, not petty, just be proud that I haven't missed a beat in life & am doing what I do & haven't stopped. I am a mother, an entrepreneur, a working woman. I am always truthful, hardworking, and dedicated to everything I do. Easy. I have the best time of my days when I'm with my daughter & not only is she the most chill & relaxed baby, but she makes life easier. Yes sometimes it's tough on days when I have to find a sitter at the last minute. Having dependable people is scarce at times but, I don't stress about it. Life is what it is and if I bind my spirit in being stressed over things I can't control, then that's less positive energy I could be sharing with my daughter. Keep it moving. Can't be a Queen to a Fool. I was trying to see the King in someone who didn't see it in themselves; that was my mistake. No regrets though because it was a journey paid for, experienced, and lived. Lessons always have to be learned. I would rather be the courageous mother, doing all I can to provide for my child on my own. Single parenthood is a blessing & being a mother is about the most powerful gift & privilege I've ever been given. Our next chapter is near: Happily living.

Takisha Wise is a multi-talented woman and a breastfeeding mom. She is a native of Baltimore, MD, but has traveled & experienced living the cultures of many cities and states. She's proud artist, she is an experienced creative & abstract painter, personal chef & baker, fashion designer, illustrator, poet, & so much more. Eclectic & considered a weirdo, she enjoys giving her time to her daughter, everything dealing with astrology and the zodiac. She is a Earth-conscious, motivational creature who is continuously being a proud example of strength & empowerment for other people in the universe. Follow Chef TJ on Instagram @cheftjdubs @callmepj911

Blossom salutes all of the strong solo parents doing it well, because it must be done. 
Shout out a single mom who is doing her thing! 

Why And How To Choose A Childbirth Educator

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less. ~ Marie Curie

I love learning! Childbirth Education is something that I always knew I'd experience as an expectant mother. While pregnant, I was full of hope, joy, wonderment... fear, anxiety, and nausea. Even as a women's wellness consultant, prenatal massage therapist, yoga instructor, and birth doula, I needed professional guidance along my pregnancy journey. Birthworkers claim that there is a tremendous and noticeable difference in moms who attended a childbirth class and moms who did not. The parents who attended are more knowledgeable and less anxious. 

Even if you are certain that you want an epidural, or have a condition in which your provider will schedule a C-section, it may be worth it to take a childbirth education, just in case anything goes differently than planned or imagined. I know of a mother who was carrying twins and considered high-risk. She went into labor before her scheduled C-section. When she arrived at the hospital, her physician asked if she wanted to continue to labor naturally. She ultimately declined because she had not received any education about natural childbirth. She regrets that misstep today. Childbirth education builds confidence. 

Childbirth education classes are not just for first time parents. Experienced parents may want to consider attending a refresher course for reminders and information on updated practices, a new class with a different model of teaching, or a class at a new hospital.

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There are a variety of birthing techniques and approaches. They vary in length of class, teaching format, and school of thought. Deciding which class is best for you depends on your learning style, your pain tolerance, your ideal birth, your budget, and instructor access within your community. If you are planning a hospital birth, you might be interested in taking more than one class. A class at the hospital might include a basic overview of labor and birth and may teach specific hospital practices, policies, and standards. Classes taught outside the hospital may equip you with in-depth information about coping skills, physiology of labor and birth, emotional aspects, and childbirth options. My husband and I attended both. If attending both is not an option, I highly recommend at least taking the hospital tour for those taking a class in the community, and I recommend augmenting a hospital-based class with additional reading in order to explore additional options. 

Your childbirth educator is knowledgeable, experienced, and passionate. She is often a registered nurse, but mat also be any healthcare provider, doula, or educator who is passionate about empowering expectant mothers throughout the birth process and beyond. You will leave the class with tools, tips, techniques, warning signs, and reminders concerning labor and birth. You will have a greater sense of confidence and may possibly even begin to build your community of moms, dads, and babies. 

Doula Nikia Michelle
Birth Blessings Professional Birth and Doula Services
Community Childbirth Educator Training

The Alexander Technique can be used by anyone, at anytime. It teaches posture and movement techniques to ease muscle tension, is actually a general practice adapted for expecting women. The Alexander technique aims to restore your original poise and posture, which will improve balance, coordination, back pain, breathing and digestion as your body adjusts accordingly. You’ll also work to coordinate your breathing and strengthen your pelvic muscles in preparation for delivery. The techniques can also be used postpartum to Aid in recovery from childbirth, and Ease the discomfort of nursing. Consider taking these classes early, as more you practice, the greater the benefits.

Birthing From Within® prepares mothers to give “birth-in-awareness,” not to achieve a specific birth outcome. The class curriculum is adjusted to meet the specific needs and differences of parents. This method also recognizes that pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum period involve continuous learning; holistic support and education should be available throughout this time.

Birth Boot Camp is a 10-week course taught online. Students receive a manual, relaxation training, weekly links to additional reading on complementary topics like pregnancy nutrition, exercise, common tests and procedures in pregnancy, and a comprehensive, downloadable breastfeeding video. 

The Bradley Method® helps women prepare for a natural labor and birth without the use of medication. This comprehensive 12-week course covers: Importance of nutrition and exercise, Relaxation techniques to manage pain, Labor rehearsals, How to avoid a cesarean birth, Postpartum care, Breastfeeding, and Guidance for a coach/doula about supporting and advocating for the mother

Hypnobirthing® teaches mothers that if you remove fear and tension, severe pain does not have to be part of labor. Intense relaxation will enhance natural birthing instincts that lead to a calm and serene birth experience. Teachers emphasize pregnancy and childbirth, as well as on pre-birth parenting and the consciousness of the pre-born baby. It is presented in a series of 5 two-and-a-half-hour classes or 4 three-hour classes. The community or home-study (via manuals and meditative CDs/ mp3s) curriculum also teaches women how to experience a feeling similar to daydreaming, while remaining controlled and happy during labor and birth.

Lamaze® International uses a contemporary curriculum that supports birth as normal, natural, and healthy, and empowers expectant women and their partners to make informed decisions. The class content includes: Normal labor, birth, and early postpartum period, Positioning for labor and birth, Relaxation and massage techniques to alleviate pain, Labor support, Communication skills, Information about medical procedures, Breastfeeding, and Healthy lifestyle.

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There are other childbirth education styles that offer more flexibility in terms of time commitment, presentations, and learning styles for both the teachers and their expectant students. 

Birth Arts International takes a holistic approach to offering information about Pregnancy- common issues and comfort measures, health and well being and natural progressions, Labor and Birth- comfort measures, support person techniques, Parental Communication, Informed Consent, Comfort Techniques, Sexuality and Relationships, Health & Nutrition, Alternative Health, Postpartum Period, Types of birthing environments and so much more.

The CAPPA (Childbirth and Postpartum Association) Approach allows the freedom for CAPPA professionals to incorporate their own style, meet the particular needs of their community, and teach the curriculum that best matches their skill set. CAPPA professionals are able to utilize a large variety of techniques, skills, and coping strategies that are both evidence-based and personalized to the individual, as opposed to being limited to a set, static method.

The International Childbirth Education Association (ICEA) does not emphasize any particular approach to childbirth. They offer general information about the process of labor and birth. They discuss natural childbirth, teach various methods of dealing with the pain of labor and birth, and present the options available for pain relief. 

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Many health departments and community-based organizations offer free childbirth education classes. At Blossom Health And Maternal Wellness, we offer an eclectic, evidenced-based, and family-centered approach, especially for mothers who are on bed rest. Many of them are so fragile that they are unable to attend classes at the hospital or in the community. We bring the important information to them and their support team. 

In order to decide which class or teacher to choose, it may be helpful to ask these questions: Is the instructor certified to teach childbirth classes? What is the instructor’s philosophy about labor and birth? What topics are included in the curriculum? Will my partner learn how to play an active role in labor and birth? What is the cost? How many couples will be in the class? How often will the class meet? Will various birth philosophies be taught in the class? For example, will a woman wanting an un-medicated birth learn coping skills for pain relief? Will a woman wanting an epidural learn how to cope with a medicated labor and birth? Does this location offer different types of childbirth classes? For example, some locations offer classes on childbirth basics or natural childbirth, in addition to a refresher class and a sibling class. 

Mothers who attend a childbirth education class, report a greater sense of empowerment, inclusion, awareness, confidence, and satisfaction in their overall birth outcome. Dad's who attend report a greater sense of empathy and compassion. If you are expecting a child, or know someone who is, please consider a childbirth education class, as early as the second trimester. 

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What is your experience with a childbirth education class?