Where is the New Mom Euphoria?

Being a mother is discovering strengths you didn't know you had and dealing with fears you never knew existed. - Sherene Simon

Motherhood evokes a myriad of emotions and expectations. One of the most common expectations is for the mother to experience an overwhelming sense of joy, elation, delight, and glee. The reality is, for a variety of reasons, many moms do not immediately experience these emotions. Find out how Blossom Mom Rashan Ali discovered and overcame this missing new mommy link: 

When I looked at my newborn, Bailey, for the first time, that euphoric feeling of overwhelming love did not exist.  There, I said it.  It is my truth.  I had no idea what to do with this little person whose eyes glared back at me in complete wonderment.  She stared at me like she knew I had no clue.  She probably knew because she had just come from being the closest to God that any human can ever be, until we transition later.

I was at the height of my radio career as the host of the A-Team Morning Show on HOT 107.9 in Atlanta, Georgia.  I was one of a handful of women who led a morning show.  It was literally unheard of.  We are typically the sidekicks.  After a very short maternity leave, I would have to nurse my newborn at 4:30 am every morning and hand her over to my husband as I walked away.  There was an underlying guilt that lingered.  One that I’ve just recently gotten over. That newborn just turned nine.

My morning radio career lasted long into her toddler years.  I wasn’t there to do her hair.  I wasn’t there to make her breakfast.  I wasn’t there to even clothe her.  What kind of mother was I?  I felt like a bad one.  One that let her career be number one in her world.  

Forgiving Yourself of Mommy Guilt

In 2009, we welcomed our second daughter, Carter.  Prior to her birth, I was out of work after my radio contract was not renewed.  I was home during the latter part of my pregnancy and then well into the first seven months of her life.  What a completely different experience.  For the first time in Bailey’s life, I was there in the morning.  I was there to cook her breakfast and make her lunch.  I was there to tell her to, “Do your best and be a leader.” (A statement we say each morning to our girls before they go to school.)  Our second daughter knew nothing about not having her mother there in the morning.  It was what she was used to.

There is nothing in this world as personal, as nurturing, or as life changing as the influence of a righteous woman. - M. Russell Ballard

I made up for lost time with Bailey.  I realized I missed out on cultivating that relationship.  Those moments are precious and can never be revisited once they have passed.  During my second pregnancy, she and I grew closer.  So close that I had no idea how I could love another human being like I loved her.  But God knew.  And He did, as He always does.  

A mother's love is whole no matter how many times it's divided. 

When our second daughter was born, I found the euphoria.  I learned how to love through Bailey.  She showed me what the meaning of being a mother really felt like.  But it didn’t come easily for me.  I learned how to be a mother.  I’m still working on being a “good” mother.  

I don’t want women to feel like they have to be “picture perfect” as we take on the most important job of our lives: motherhood.  Every woman’s experience is different.  Every woman’s love and journey is different and should not be judged.  Recently, I posted a question on Facebook. I asked my mother followers, “What kind of mother are you?”  I used my own example: “I’m a can’t do hair, dancing machine, God-loving but will listen to Jeezy type mom.  I’m a silly, cooking and school volunteer but don’t do crafts type mom.”

There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills, different abilities, and certainly different children.

I had over 100 responses from women describing what type of mother they are.  It was interesting to see how liberated these women seem to feel about who they are to their children.  It was almost like a sigh of relief that they can state who they are and be okay with it on a social media platform.  I pray they look in the mirror and smile back at the mother they are.  She is perfect just the way she is.

Stay at Home Moms vs Working Moms

Bailey and Carter are beautiful children inside and out.  My husband is an outstanding father.  They are both Daddy’s girls, but Bailey and Brian have a special bond.  All they had was each other in the beginning.  But God has a way of restoring things as though they were and I know that He granted me that in the mother that I have become for both of them.  I’ve grown into putting the “good” in front of mother when describing myself. My constant prayer is that I am being the mother that I need to be for my children.  Their smiles, self-awareness, happiness, kindness, loving spirits and love of God prove that I must be doing alright. That’s all the euphoria I need.

With a passion for sports and empowering young women, Rashan Ali continues to establish herself as a revered multimedia personality within the sports and entertainment industries. An Atlanta native and graduate of Florida A&M University, she has given her candid perspective on local radio for 12 years on HOT 107.9, V-103 and 94.5.  Recently, Rashan has made her full transition into television as a freelance sports anchor for Headline News and CNN; sideline reporter for CBS Sports Network, host of Under Armour Highlights of the Week on the NFHS Network and co-host of Falcons Rise Up Weekly on the CW Network.

Her passion lies deeply in the community.  She is the founder of  Sporty Girls, Inc., -a  non-profit organization which encourages the development of life skills in girls ages 8-18 through participation in non-traditional sports like golf, tennis, soccer and swimming. Ali has recently published and released her first children’s book, “Piper Sky’s Pink Popsicle Shoes.” Rashan is a proud member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc.

She is married to Brian Smith and they have two daughters, Bailey and Carter. Check out RashanAli.com and Follow Rashan Ali on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! 

Can you relate to Rashan Ali's story? Did you have less than euphoric feelings about being a new mom? 

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